Spring time!

It has finally been warm enough to go out and play! We took the kids to the playground to get some outside pictures.. That wasn't a great idea Brayden wanted to run everywhere and do everything but look at the camera.

Me and my Daddy off to play!

I'm so big Pure joy Look at me
I love you Daddy!

No boy kisses... They have Cooties!

Here I came

Everyone keeps telling me how innocent Whitney is. She is my angel and a sweetheart.. but here is my evidence that she can be mischievous too. Whitney was playing in the pantry with granola bars.. that's easy enough to pick up. She decided that wasn't enough fun so she pulled down the pancake mix bag and dumped it all over.

She is so proud of herself!

Am I in trouble? (Look at her pant legs... she had pancake mix everywhere)

No one can stay mad at me!

Parenthood

When I first started with our blog. I decided it was going to be my journal. Great idea... except I have been censoring what I put on the blog. All I write about are the happy times and the good memories. I decided to include more of my personal feelings and the struggles that I've left out. If you don't want to read these post just keep strolling down, but this is for me too.

I've 'connected' with a new show it is called 'Parenthood'. I watched the premiere the other night and I connected with one of the families. They have a son who is about 7 and was recently diagnosed with aspergers. It made me think back with my experiences with Brayden. No he doesn't have aspergers or autism, but he has been evaluated for both. It was an extremely hard thing for me to agree to. I had a health beautiful big 2 year old boy, why would anyone think there is anything wrong with him but really I was thinking how dare they think anything is wrong with him. I had the Up to 3 services come to our home for Whitney. They were great to work with her and I loved having their input. Until one day, one of the therapist noticed Brayden wasn't talking yet. She suggested Brayden be evaluated. He officially joined the Up to 3 program 3 months before his 2 birthday. From there he started with speech therapy.. then added behavioral evaluations and autism evaluations. One day I was clueless to the delays he was having and a month later every flaw my 2 year old had was laid out on paper in front of me. How was I going to except these people's 'theories' when they only saw him once a month...

Like this fictional family, I was thrown into a world of appointments, classes, and life style changes. I had a class or home visits at least once a day..... I felt as if I was no longer Jessica, but only Brayden and Whitney's mom. It is a struggle to remember that one day every second won't be for them. One of Whitney's therapist once reminded me of the importance of doing something for yourself. I answered "how?" I can't leave Brayden and Whitney alone... I can't leave Brayden alone by himself for to long. I can't even go to the bathroom without keeping an eye on Brayden to keep him from hurting Whitney. When does that leave time for me. I am still very much in a struggle to find anything that I can be proud of for me.

Last night on the show, one brother asked the other brother, why is it worth it? It took me a minute to answer. I poked in to check the kids and I remember why... but I love them! It has been one of those days where Brayden had 4 or 5 melt downs in his room and Whitney cried every time he came near. I was at my wits end today. There weren't any peaceful moments. Two weeks ago when Whitney had a seizure I broke down and cried why. Patrick reminded me how special our lives have been since they came into our home. Especially on days like today, I need to remember that IT IS WORTH IT!

Quiet Moments when I have time to think.

Our lives have been pretty crazy this past few months and I haven't sat down to express my love and gratitude to Heavenly Father.

We have been so blessed. Heavenly Father has not only been with us, but he has carried us. Looking back, I see how he prepared for us to handle the struggles. Brayden's first seizure was at a family reunion. Bad timing right? But looking back I realize how blessed we were. I was not alone with the kids but in an environment surrounded by people who have experienced these things. I was never alone when Brayden had seizures... there were so many times I would pick him up and he was weightless to me... someone was holding him. How blessed we are to have family on this side and the other side to help and support us. This past weekend, Whitney was sick and her temp spiked quickly and she had a seizure. I was scary to witness but I knew exactly what to do and how to handle it. We took her to the ER and left Brayden with neighbors. As we were getting ready to leave, I was grateful for the wonderful neighbors we have I knew any of them would take Brayden and do anything to help.

I really struggled with Brayden's seizures.. they just broke me. I've learned how to deal with them. Recently when he has had a seizure, I have felt nothing but gratitude for Heavenly Father's love.

Whitney has been a surprise to us from day one. Learning of her genetic disorder was challenging. I spent many months crying and wondering how we were going to deal with this. Doctors and therapist appointments became a way of our lives. I was thrown into this life that I didn't want. Sadly, I missed out on a lot of bonding time with my angel. One day I was watching Whitney and I realized how blessed our home has been since her sweet spirit has come. I remember countless nights praying why does she have this.. now my prayers are of thankfulness of her sweet spirit. I still hate all the doctors, specialist, and therapist appointments, but love spending every second with her.

Brayden is growing up so fast. Just days (okay, years) ago I held him in my arms for the first time. It was just me and him during the day and we became buddies. Terrible two hit earlier and harder than planned. He got an attitude and learned the word no. He stopped sleeping through the night and was mean. Then the seizures started. I cried many night and wondered where my little boy went. It has been a very very slow process, but he is becoming better and better. It has been over 6 weeks since his last seizure and every seizure free day is a miracle in our home. The past few weeks Brayden has started to crawl in bed with me in the morning after Patrick leaves. He talks to me about 'Dadddee' (Daddy) 'Dars' (Cars) 'cool buz' (school bus) 'momma' (Mommy) 'et-nee' (Whitney). I love this time cuddling together.

Whitney is doing incredible. She is getting so fast crawling and rolling. I guess she is trying to keep up with Brayden. She is getting quit the personality. She loves to explore things and tease Brayden. She definitely is getting a Bailey personality... She loves time to herself. While Brayden is at school, I see a whole new side of Whitney. She has become a jabber mouth and says 'momma'. It melts my heart. She is learning to walk with her walker and thinks it is pretty funny.. but she goes faster crawling. My favorite time is going to get her in the morning. She laughs and smiles when we open the door and does a little dance for us.

I love these kids but some days they are my trial..... I am so thankful for the quiet moments when I am able to remember their sweet wonderful moments.

Brayden turns 3

Brayden's cake this year is all about cars.... (for those who know the movie like our house) this is the scene when the sheriff puts all the hot rods in the impound lot.
I love the look on his face... pure joy!

Hangin' with the boys

Brayden turned 3 on March 1st! I can't believe my little boy is 3. We had his birthday party on Sunday. We were so glad to have his grandparents and aunt and uncles there!

Brayden got a bike for his birthday.. he loves it, just not quite sure how to ride it yet. And we need some sunshine to melt all our snow!

One day Brayden will hate me for this... but for now it is funny. So I was laying Whitney down for a nap and I went to find Brayden and this is what I found.

I love the diaper dropped between his feet and the pants thrown to the side. Goofy kid.

Brayden's 3rd birthday also means he now get to go to a pre-school. Here he is on his first day.

He had to show me his cho-choo train backpack Daddy got for him.
The bus even picks him up in our driveway. I did really good letting him go, until they pulled out of the driveway and I could see his head poking out of the seat and he waved bye-bye.

No looking back. He walked right into class. He was a little nervous, but not enough to even look to make sure I was there.

Whitney is getting pretty good with her walker. One day she will be able to keep up with Brayden... (AHHHH)

Whitney is taking a gymnastics class. She's getting pretty good at going around the courses. She definitely doesn't need to work on flexibility. Class wears her out!

Whitney loves Dum dum suckers... One day she was really quiet so I went to check on her and she was digging through the diaper bag until she found what she wanted... TWO suckers.

Patrick keeps praying for spring. So I found Whitney her spring outfit. One day it will be warm enough to wear outside!

We went to the aquarium in Salt Lake this past week.

Whitney is looking for nemo... he's is just her size.

Waiting for the sharks!

petting the sting rays!