Parenthood

When I first started with our blog. I decided it was going to be my journal. Great idea... except I have been censoring what I put on the blog. All I write about are the happy times and the good memories. I decided to include more of my personal feelings and the struggles that I've left out. If you don't want to read these post just keep strolling down, but this is for me too.

I've 'connected' with a new show it is called 'Parenthood'. I watched the premiere the other night and I connected with one of the families. They have a son who is about 7 and was recently diagnosed with aspergers. It made me think back with my experiences with Brayden. No he doesn't have aspergers or autism, but he has been evaluated for both. It was an extremely hard thing for me to agree to. I had a health beautiful big 2 year old boy, why would anyone think there is anything wrong with him but really I was thinking how dare they think anything is wrong with him. I had the Up to 3 services come to our home for Whitney. They were great to work with her and I loved having their input. Until one day, one of the therapist noticed Brayden wasn't talking yet. She suggested Brayden be evaluated. He officially joined the Up to 3 program 3 months before his 2 birthday. From there he started with speech therapy.. then added behavioral evaluations and autism evaluations. One day I was clueless to the delays he was having and a month later every flaw my 2 year old had was laid out on paper in front of me. How was I going to except these people's 'theories' when they only saw him once a month...

Like this fictional family, I was thrown into a world of appointments, classes, and life style changes. I had a class or home visits at least once a day..... I felt as if I was no longer Jessica, but only Brayden and Whitney's mom. It is a struggle to remember that one day every second won't be for them. One of Whitney's therapist once reminded me of the importance of doing something for yourself. I answered "how?" I can't leave Brayden and Whitney alone... I can't leave Brayden alone by himself for to long. I can't even go to the bathroom without keeping an eye on Brayden to keep him from hurting Whitney. When does that leave time for me. I am still very much in a struggle to find anything that I can be proud of for me.

Last night on the show, one brother asked the other brother, why is it worth it? It took me a minute to answer. I poked in to check the kids and I remember why... but I love them! It has been one of those days where Brayden had 4 or 5 melt downs in his room and Whitney cried every time he came near. I was at my wits end today. There weren't any peaceful moments. Two weeks ago when Whitney had a seizure I broke down and cried why. Patrick reminded me how special our lives have been since they came into our home. Especially on days like today, I need to remember that IT IS WORTH IT!